Key Takeaways
- Dementia impairs memory, language, and comprehension. It often leads to repeated questions, confusion, and misunderstandings.
- Certain types of questions—like open-ended, complex, corrective, or emotionally loaded ones—can cause distress and should be avoided during conversations.
- Positive communication strategies make a significant difference, but they may take time to learn.
- Use clear language, stay patient, use nonverbal cues, and offer consistent reassurance to support your loved one and reduce stress from the conversation.
Things to Avoid When Talking to Someone with Dementia
Helping someone who has dementia can be challenging. However, communication isn’t impossible. With the right strategy, you can keep communicating with your loved one and strengthen your bond together. It’s all about learning new strategies—and what things you should avoid during the conversation.
During a conversation with someone with dementia, you should avoid:
- Open-ended questions
- Overly complicated questions
- Corrective or confrontational questions
- Emotionally loaded questions
These questions can disrupt the conversation and lead to confusion.
How Does Dementia Affect Communication?
Dementia is a cognitive condition that affects memory, language, and problem-solving skills. As the condition progresses, it can make communication more difficult for both the individual and their family members.
A person living with dementia may have trouble processing complex sentences, recalling words, or understanding the context of a conversation. These difficulties can cause anxiety, withdrawal, or confusion, especially when others don’t understand what’s happening.
Dementia’s Effects on Conversation
Dementia can lead to:
- Forgetting words or names
- Difficulty following conversations
- Repeating questions or statements
- Misunderstanding tone or intent
Fortunately, these can also be effectively managed. It just involves adapting your approach to communicating with your loved one.
What Not to Say When Talking to Someone with Dementia
Some questions or phrases can unintentionally cause confusion, frustration, or distress for someone with dementia. So, they’re best avoided during your conversation.
Open-Ended Questions
Open-ended questions can be overwhelming because they require more cognitive effort to process and answer. They often rely on short-term memory or abstract thinking, which can be frustrating to navigate.
Make sure you avoid questions such as:
- “What do you want to do today?”
- “How are you feeling about everything?”
- “What’s your favorite memory?”
- “What do you think about this?”
- “What would you like for dinner?”
Instead, try offering simple choices or yes/no questions to make communication easier.
Overly Complicated Questions
Questions with too many details or multiple options can confuse someone with dementia. These often require them to hold several thoughts in their head at once.
Avoid questions like:
- “Do you remember the time we went to the beach with Aunt Mary and Uncle Joe?”
- “What do you think about the new restaurant that opened downtown?”
- “Can you tell me what you want to wear, and also if you’d like to go out later?”
- “What’s your opinion on the news we saw yesterday?”
- “Do you want to go to the park, the mall, or the library?”
Simplify your questions to focus on one idea at a time. This keeps things easier for your loved one and reduces the risk of overload.
Corrective or Confrontational Questions
Correcting or challenging someone’s memory can lead to embarrassment, frustration, or emotional withdrawal. Even if your intention is to clarify, it’s often more helpful to prioritize emotional comfort.
Watch out for questions such as:
- “Don’t you remember what I just said?”
- “Why do you keep asking me that?”
- “That’s not what happened, is it?”
- “Are you sure you’re remembering that correctly?”
- “Why can’t you remember this?”
Instead of correcting, gently redirect the conversation or provide reassurance.
Emotionally Loaded Questions
Questions that evoke guilt, shame, or fear can be deeply upsetting to someone with dementia. These types of questions often highlight their confusion or limitations, making them feel blamed or distressed.
Avoid questions like these:
- “Why don’t you remember my name?”
- “Do you know how hard this is for me?”
- “Why can’t you just try harder to remember?”
- “Don’t you care about what’s happening?”
- “Why are you acting like this?”
Focus on creating a calm and supportive environment instead of triggering negative emotions.
Tips for Talking to a Loved One with Dementia
By using the right communication strategies, you can foster a more positive and meaningful connection with your loved one.
Use Simple and Clear Language
Simple language reduces the mental load on someone with dementia. Instead of long explanations, try breaking ideas into shorter phrases. Use short sentences, stick to basic vocabulary, and avoid slang wherever possible.
Be Patient and Give Them Time
When a loved one takes longer to speak or respond, it’s not because they’re ignoring you. It’s because processing information takes more time. If they repeat themselves, respond calmly – your presence matters more than perfection. Patience helps maintain their dignity.
Use Nonverbal Communication
Body language is just as important as the words you say. A calm, friendly demeanor can offer more reassurance than facts alone. Eye contact, gentle gestures, and even simply smiling show your loved one that you’re listening.
Focus on Positive and Reassuring Statements
Positive reinforcement can go a long way. A few encouraging words can shift the tone of an entire conversation. So, say things like, “That’s okay,” or “I’m here to help.” Supportive comments build confidence and reduce stress in both of you.
How Memory Care Can Preserve Your Loved One’s Quality of Life
Dementia can be complicated. However, by avoiding these questions and changing your approach, you can still strengthen your bond with your loved one. Although it may take some time, you can still provide effective support to your loved one, especially with the help of a memory care community like ours here at The Reserve at Oswego.
In our community, we’re proud to support residents every day. We’re dedicated to helping residents preserve their dignity and quality of life, because it’s what they deserve. Your family isn’t alone, and we’re here to help you. Schedule a visit with us today, or contact our team to learn more.
